Trauma

When traumas occur it’s amazing what our minds do .

For me I had memories of something was brutal and of a sexual nature.

I was in a very hard time I’m my life during the close down of the country and losing my husband.

I moved to a new place where I could have a fresh start.

I hated the county I was in because every street every hospital just gave me flash backs on me and my time together with my husband and my children.

If I would have understood it better at the time I would have realized it was thought projections of my husband.

The country was closed I had no therapy! I ran!

I hated him for dying! Because I always thought it would be me first.

I also felt like a failure. I had saved many lives in my personal friends and family circles as well as my profession as a nurse

this weekend I had gotten confirmation of a horrible what I thought was someone I was channeling but no it was me.

I had confronted men and asked them if they were aware of anything happening?

They of course all told me no.

My mind was my only strong part of me I thought and I couldn’t make sense of it.

I will be honest I’m not sure if I was drugged or maybe had a seizure…I have only had 3 seizures and they don’t know why..

Buy when the attack happened I remember leaving my body.

I remember sitting on the beach with a man I had fallen greatly in love with after my husband died.

I thought that God had sent me him to heal and well he did help me heal. But unfortunately he isn’t in love with me like that.

This man is special because unknown to him he is a clear channel and my husband and my father have come through him. He is a very special man even if we never see each other again.

What I realized with this trauma of sexual assault I never trusted another man since then.

I could not understand it. Until the past couple of days

Not only did this sexual assault cause me to use to drugs because honestly it wasn’t me but this trauma took away the only parent from my children especially my son. He is 15 now.

When trauma comes in and there isn’t any professional help or groups because the world was closed and well I was a psych nurse who knew everything! 😂 Well i did but I had to get help to re-engage my smarts.

It took 6 months of intensive therapy.. and finding the answers.

This world is not kind to people..

Most people of mental health crisis addictions ECT isn’t because I wanted to get high .

I just didn’t want to feel anymore..

It was very hard..

I come to this page not only to learn but Dax has given me pointers on new types of therapy to help me heal more.

Yes I have insurance but I can’t and won’t leave my son again.

We have gotten really close and he gets anxious now when he is not around me like in a store but he is ok with school and family.

I know I hurt my children but I know apart of me left not only when my husband died but when I was raped .

Maybe they thought it was consensual.. I don’t believe it was .

I remember going home and crying in the shower and my son walking in and I literally change myself in a heart beat so he would not see I was crying.

I’m not sharing this for sympathy. I’m sharing this because I’m a survivor!!

I’m a warrior!

And tarot and super consciousness and or practices of meditation and philosophy has made me almost whole again.

I thank you guys at the tarot guild.

I hate that for some reason you stir something in me.

Maybe because here I feel like some people get me

Dax, Dan and Michelle you all have been wonderful to me even when I go off the rim..

Charlotte, I’m sorry I keep seeming to buttheads with you..

When dax said we can comment and communicate with each other on the page. We all do this on other channels where we support other live viewers.

We all have a perspective on life because we are 8.1 billion people on earth.

Every life matters..

L- living

O- out

V-Victorious

E-events.

This is love.. being able to walks to the gates of hell( in our minds) to help thu neighbor.

Maybe I’m not a great reader with tarot..

But I know I have a kind heart and just want to help others.

About the author: Jill Clarke

51 female that connects with the other side. Through art ,tarot reader, Oracle, remote viewer , healer of trauma. Help with ascension and neuroplasticity.